but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
