I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
