I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
