I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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