Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
