Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
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