Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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