In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
