If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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