Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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