so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
