If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
