just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
