It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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