what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
