we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
