did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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