I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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