I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
