We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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