Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
