Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
