You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
