i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
