I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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