every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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