Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
