Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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