There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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