so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
They took my balls.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
