How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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