I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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