sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
