Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
