I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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