He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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