He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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