I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
