i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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