dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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