im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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