Non-Jews are for practice
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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