it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he thought i was a dude.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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