Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
