nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
