babies were throwing up all over the place
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
