I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
