OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
