I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
