4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Randomize
