I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
