Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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