Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
When did angry sex become our thing?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize