You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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