I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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