plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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