also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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