I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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