Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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