It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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