i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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