I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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