I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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