Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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