I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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