I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
