I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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