I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
