you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
