I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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