hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
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You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
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Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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