Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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