My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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