Texts From Last Night

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  (805): View more from California

  Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.

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  (805): Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras. http://tfl.nu/u72n
  Replies (28) Good night (3187) Bad night (582)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app

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  (586): Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app http://tfl.nu/uu0s
  Replies (78) Good night (6187) Bad night (2356)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.

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  (727): You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on. http://tfl.nu/u7oz
  Replies (22) Good night (1259) Bad night (5333)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.

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  (301): A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero. http://tfl.nu/wa7o
  Replies (17) Good night (5170) Bad night (829)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.

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  (250): God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not. http://tfl.nu/2nya
  Replies (6) Good night (2173) Bad night (618)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.

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  (502): I am way too attached to fictional lesbians. http://tfl.nu/axfm
  Replies (10) Good night (1296) Bad night (780)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.

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  (404): First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service. http://tfl.nu/76kl
  Replies (1) Good night (884) Bad night (534)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.

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  (860): I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green. (860): Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green. http://tfl.nu/a7td
  Replies (2) Good night (495) Bad night (596)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.

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  (386): He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids. http://tfl.nu/ivvs
  Replies (2) Good night (555) Bad night (385)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.

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  (225): I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you. http://tfl.nu/gxsp
  Replies (1) Good night (427) Bad night (615)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.

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  (512): You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you. http://tfl.nu/5imo
  Replies (1) Good night (924) Bad night (465)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?

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  (304): watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him? http://tfl.nu/cta0
  Replies (3) Good night (859) Bad night (555)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude

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  (315): Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude http://tfl.nu/8w6o
  Replies (1) Good night (658) Bad night (374)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background

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  (631): He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background http://tfl.nu/9kct
  Replies (2) Good night (167) Bad night (819)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling

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  (203): don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling http://tfl.nu/liv2
  Replies (2) Good night (453) Bad night (166)

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