she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!