i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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