we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
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Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
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I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.