Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
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i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
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Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.