I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....