my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
